My son likes pink

The blog post, My son is gay, by Cop's Wife at Nerdy Apple Bottom, is about a boy who wanted to dress like Daphne from Scooby Doo, and how his mother stood up to other disapproving mothers at his Christian school. I liked it for several reasons. First, kudos to the son who knew exactly what he wanted to dress up as for Halloween. This holiday is exactly about dressing up as whoever you want to be. And, second, kudos to the mother for telling others that just because he dressed up as Daphne doesn’t mean he is gay. But if he were gay, it wouldn’t matter anyways.

As parents, we have not taught our son very much about girl things versus boy things. He is very interested in cars and trucks and trains, which are typically boyish interests. However, he has a stuffed pink poodle as part of his stuffed animal menagerie. And he still enjoys grooming with the pink Barbie comb and mirror that he got with a McDonalds Happy Meal when they were out of boy toys. His favorite drinking cup at home is the pink cup from a multi-color set we have.

In fact, my son really likes pink, and we have told him, it's okay to like pink. It's a nice, happy color!

The only time I’ve ever discouraged him from something gender specific was when we were shopping for a new swim suit this last summer. We were at Costco, probably buying diapers in bulk, when we passed a table with swim suits for young children. There were two choices:

1. Pink and yellow girls’ swimsuit with big fish on the top, smaller fish design on the bottom.
2. Blue and green boys’ swimsuit with big surfboards on the shirt and smaller surfboard design on the trunks.
   

Which one do you think my son preferred? It was the girls’ swimsuit. He was drawn to it because of the fish motif. He enjoys looking at pictures of fish, and singing the Slippery Fish song. He’s never even seen a surfboard before, so why would he want that?

I talked him out of the girls swimsuit by telling him it was, in fact, a girls’ swimsuit, and it might not fit him right. He went with the boys' swimsuit without much fuss.

Did I feel guilty about it? Just a little. I wasn’t sure if the girls’ swimsuit would fit him, but I also had the fear of what other people, particularly parents, would say. Yes, I felt guilty about the fear I had.

This Halloween, I marveled at the girls dressed up as Woody and Buzz Lightyear. But I didn’t see any boys dressed up in girl costumes. I aspire to be fearless like Cop’s Wife and let my son be a kid and have fun no matter how he is dressed, or what color he prefers.

The trick is to keep breathing

I don’t meditate regularly, although it is something that I’d like to do eventually. I don’t have much practice at meditation, and have only read a little about it. The times I have meditated, I found it to be quite relaxing and energizing at the same time, and a good way to clear my head of the constant chatter.

One thing that I do regularly, however, is exercise. I do strengthening exercise, I walk, I run, and I swim. When I walk, run, and swim, I find I can get into the same mental state as a good meditative session. I think cardio exercise really lends itself to this. When I run or walk, especially outdoors, I find myself at first looking at my surroundings. This might be houses, cars, cats in driveways, etc. Then I start to think about my pace and my distance. Eventually, I find myself focusing on my breath.

The same thing happens when I swim. When I start out, my mind is usually skipping from one thought to the next, but quickly, I start to focus on my pace. I count laps, strokes per lap, and sets of laps. And, eventually, I find myself focusing on my breath, much more than in running. In running, you can breathe however and whenever you want. With swimming, you need to breathe much more regularly, synchronized to your strokes.

All of this mental focus on breath brings to me a relaxed, attentive state of mind. It could also be the endorphins created and the cortisol burned. But I believe that my mind and body are connected in more ways than chemical and hormonal reactions. And breath benefits both my mind and body in astounding ways.

100 push up challenge... who's with me?

Next week, I will start the 100 push up challenge. This is a six week training program to train you to do, well, 100 push ups. I've also decided to do the 200 sit up challenge and 200 squat challenge, so I can balance out the training. I have already done the initial tests for these to see how many I could currently do. Here are my results.

Push ups: 22

Sit ups: 50

Squats: 110

I feel pretty good about the number of squats I can do, and the number of crunches I did is not bad. I did the push ups and sit ups after some pizza and beer, so, not sure if that was good for me or not. But I do know that, for me, the challenge will really be in the push ups.

I start working on this next Monday. I will do the suggested Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule as is suggested, since Tuesdays and Thursdays are my usual swim days.

Why am I doing this? Increasing my upper body strength is the primary reason. But I also want to encourage as many other people as I can to do the same, or at least set some kind of fitness goal.

So, who's joining me in this challenge?

100 push up challenge

Elmo!

Today is my son's Halloween party at school. He is quite excited to be Elmo.

Spending time wisely

A few days ago, my partner and I were talking with a neighbor whose son is 18 months older than ours, and he revealed that his son is now enrolled in karate and soccer which takes up two evenings and Saturday morning each week. I came to the realization that this too could be happening for us very soon.

I’m not ready for my son’s activities to ramp up just yet. I love our evenings after work and school where we play together. Oftentimes, I am the one that cooks for my family. I really enjoy it when my son slides the step stool over to the kitchen counter and brings a couple of his cars to play with as I cook. I occasionally scold him for touching the food when I know he hasn’t yet washed his hands. I let him smell the spices I use. I ask him to help me count the number of cups or teaspoons of whatever it is I am measuring. These are all moments that I treasure.

I know that this age of 2-going-on-3 years old will not last forever. He will eventually not care to count teaspoons with me. He will gain other interests such as karate or soccer or quite possibly something else that might require a uniform, fees, and weekends free. I will not discourage such interests. But I hope that I can teach him to value his free time as well, and that sometimes too many activities can clutter your schedule as well as drain the wallet and leave you frazzled.

Before you conclude that I am against organized activities for my son or for kids in general, I will say that I was involved with the Girl Scouts as a young girl, and absolutely loved it. And when I was in junior high, I started playing in the band and absolutely loved that, too. I made the decision, however, to quit the Girl Scouts so that band was my only extra-curricular activity. I worry about kids these days that have so much to do that they don’t have time to do homework or to simply be kids with unstructured play time.

At this point in my life, I am saying ‘no’ to certain requests of my time because I think it is important to focus on the things you absolutely love and not spend time on the things that you might like just a little bit, or, even worse, things that you don’t like at all. Saying ‘no’ is hard, but it is getting easier for me. All I need to do is remember the things that I value the most and moments like sharing the smells of spices with a two year old.

Kids get it: “Where’s your other mommy?”

As recent as 5 years ago, a study revealed that Generation Y (people in their 20s typically) is rather tolerant and open-minded about gay people. But as the current media obsession with gay and bullied youth committing suicide shows, we still need to make progress in acceptance of LGBT people. In the last several days, I’ve read about blatant hatred at sporting events that involved younger people. Both of these stories amazed me and disgusted me.

After days and days of reading depressing anti-gay news, I find myself still hopeful. I read about organizations like the Trevor Project, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, and the NOH8 Campaign, to name just a few, and I feel much more hopeful about the future ahead for my son and his generation. Other organizations that I have just learned about in the last week, the Make It Better Project and GroundSpark, are finding ways for young people to work together to fight hatred and homophobia.

And I’m still even more hopeful for kids that are my son’s age. Just yesterday, I was sick and asked D to take our little man to school (I’m usually the one who does drop offs). D told me that one of our son’s classmates came up to him with a concerned look and asked, “Where’s your other mommy?” In his two and three year old group, they understand that families come in all different shades, and varieties, and are not bothered in the least that our son has two mommies. I am hopeful that this attitude will continue to grow and become the norm for his generation.

Tomorrow, October 20, 2010, is Spirit Day, and all are encouraged to wear purple to remember those lives lost and to show support for LGBT and straight youth. I will be wearing purple tomorrow. Will you?

Train ride

The little man is enjoying his first train ride at Shady Springs, Austin, TX. This was taken a few days ago.

Today we went to his favorite Saturday lunch place, Wendy's, where he likes to get the chicken nuggets. As we were leaving, he said my favorite words: I love you, mommies.